Internal family systems (IFS) is an approach designed to identify different “families” within an individual. These families are considered sub-personalities, and they’re often in conflict with each other.
For example, one set of sub-personalities might consist of shame and anger. The other might consist of parts that try to protect your mental well-being. Obviously, these “families” clash with each other. That can create discord in your core Self.
IFS helps to eliminate the discord between your sub-personalities, so you can find mental balance between your internal families and the Self.
What Are the Goals of IFS?
IFS operates on the idea that the undamaged core Self is the healthiest mental state of who you are. It’s your truest essence when it’s balanced, so the goal of IFS is to make sure the Self is balanced and healed if there are conflicting internal families.
To reach that goal, a coach needs to help the struggling individual find freedom from the extreme roles of their sub-personalities. When that happens, more trust builds in the Self, and all parts can work together with better balance and harmony.
Understanding the Families
So, what are the sub-personalities or “families” addressed in IFS? Being able to identify these parts will make it easier to see how certain sub-personalities might be doing more harm than good. It will also help you work with a therapist to find more balance with the Self.
The three main roles within the IFS model are managers, exiles, and firefighters.
Managers work as protectors. They are meant to help you manage emotions and work through the daily issues of life.
Exiles, as you might expect, are in direct conflict with managers. They are sub-personalities that hold onto things like guilt, shame, and anger from the past. If they start to take over, your mental health can suffer. It’s the job of managers to protect you from the pain caused by exiles, but sometimes, they can become too overwhelming to bear.
That’s where firefighters step in. When exiles produce emotions that are too painful or difficult to handle, firefighters try to inhibit those emotions. While that might seem like a good thing, this family can encourage you to “fight back” against those emotions with unhealthy coping mechanisms, including substance abuse or dangerous behaviors.
How Coaching Helps
If your sub-personalities are out of balance, they aren’t working harmoniously with the Self. That can leave you feeling uncertain, at best, and anxious or depressed. IFS therapy can help you identify how these parts behave and where you carry the biggest burdens.
An IFS coach will focus on the areas that need the most attention. You’ll have a chance to explore that sub-personality. That isn’t always easy, especially if it’s something your managers are trying to protect you from. But, healing from an issue often requires getting to the root of it.
IFS won’t encourage you to ignore this problem. Rather, you’ll learn to accept it and shift your perspective. This approach makes you feel more in control and more secure in your sense of Self.
Your coach might also suggest doing some work on your own to find a better balance. That could include things like journaling to make sense of your families. Or, you might try relaxation exercises like mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing to gain a deeper understanding of your sub-personalities and how they work with the Self.
Is IFS Coaching Right For You?
IFS can help with a variety of issues, from anxiety and depression to trauma and panic. Even if you’ve tried different types of approaches in the past, IFS takes a slightly different approach that might be the right solution to help you on your healing journey. Feel free to reach out to learn more about IFS coaching.
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